Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Enjoy the penises
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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