She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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