It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
