I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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