dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
