Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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