so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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