Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
