i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
3pm strippers are depressing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
