he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
