ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
