Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
