I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Randomize
