so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
