trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
