Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
