Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
