I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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