i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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