There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
