Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
