...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
