Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
