That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
