she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
