When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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