I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
