so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
