Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
