I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
