i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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