Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize