it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
