i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
