You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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