i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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