oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
