I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
