my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
