there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
