so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
