Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
