If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
