Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
