Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
