I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
