these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
