I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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