Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
