me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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