70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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