8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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