I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
