he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
