I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
