my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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