I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
