Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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50% drunk capacity currently
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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