once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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