Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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