Please, let me fuck your mom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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