I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
