She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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