I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
