Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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