life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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