How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
