When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
