i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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