Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
