Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
