He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
