tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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