Fuck appropriateness.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
