Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
