The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
