Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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