the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
