Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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