Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
