Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
