Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
