She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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