I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
