I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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