Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
