were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
barbara walters just said penis...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
