the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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